lone again~

few days ago,i was happyin' wif my famili
jokin',makin' fun,n many many happy thgs la~
few days nw,
all thgs hav change back as oways.....
thgs being bored
thgs r being reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally bored...
nite is lonely again~~~
day is bored again~~~
oni thg i can talk wif is here~~
my heart is locked n blocked.....n even been sealed
im going 2 b autism. . . . . . . . .

dying....

my brain....my heart......my mind......my body..............
im dying.....all the part of me is dying.........
my love.....my family.....my study..................
not even a thg is going well..................
not even a thg i can manage well..................
not even a thg i can b proud of...................
not even a thg im happy for...................
nthg of my life...........................

all im having now....is hatred, boring, sad, grieve, n strengthless.............
i cant stand it......its too hard 4 me.................
how......wat m i supose 2 do wif it ! ! !

my brain is stucking
my heart is in pain
my mind is a mess
my body is so heavy
i'm stressed hard.......dying......................................................................................

i love but i hate..

u...the only 1 who hurt me so bad.....
the wound u gav....will 4ever a wound thr.....

u is the first person i fall in luv wif....
u...is the first person i was trying 2 4get....
u is the first person i "try" to hate....
u......is the most of my first......

i love u.....
....i miss u......
..i wana 4get u......
but i cant................................................................................

i love u....
but u nvr gonna luv me......
i miss u.....
but i dwan 2.....

i try 2 cry....
but i cant.....................................
my tear....is droping.......in my heart.......
my heart.....is bleeding.............
the blood of my heart.......n the tear of mine........
tis mixture.....is the love for u.......

i hate u.....
...i blame u......
......i curse u......

i hate...
bcoz u didnt regret n bad 4 wat u did........
i blame....
u make me regret.....
i curse......
u will regret....
but i cant..........................................................................

i try 2 fight.....
but i cant fight wif my brain.......
it seems like...my brain is controling me more than i control it.....
the stress...the pain....the grieve........
is all i got...frm u........

lovely birthday....

2day....is ur birthday......
ur name...is flying around my ear all the day...
i hav decided not 2 thk of it....
but...i cant stop thking about u....
all tis day...my brain is full fill by u....
~ur face..ur smell...ur everythg....
everythg tat y i luv u.......suxz.....
my luv life is so damm.....

if i can...i wish i can tell u, n hear u say it 2 me again.....
but..my wish is owiz a dream only....
my life...is not ani other than a dream....
whn am i gonna weak up??0.o
~~who noe.....i jz can try anithg i can....
but i cant make it sure......
so tis is my life......
a very large part of my life.....
a part whr i'm trying 2 b tough enuf 2 survive....2 live...n 2 4get...........

mess of my life~~~

my life is so messy again.....its all jz bcoz of u~~
y da hack r u finding me again.....u jz pull back all the trash memory in2 my brain...
r u jz trying 2 fool me again....
if u r , den u hav got it~~~me life is suxz again now!!!

u noe...b4 all tis thg my life is alrd a mess...
i cant get slp at the nite~~~i cant slp well on my bed~~~n i cant even manage well me time
all the study,working,boring,phucking time~~
ow shit!!!it make me damm moody alrd ,ok!!!!

n now~~u try to fool my life again...~~~!!!

my heart...cant stand 4 it....
all the stress in my life....all the weight u gav me...
all the lonelyness i felt....all the moody time i got...

how long....can my heart....still can stand 4 ...............